10 Problems Buffy Characters could have solved
by Jinxgirl
Summary: Various Buffy crossovers with shows/books/movies- short stories.


**1. Chapter One**

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters.the crossovers:

1. The mummy

2. The Matrix Revolutions

3. The Cell

4. Texas Chainsaw Massacre

5. Charmed

6. Interview with a Vampire

7. X-Men

8. Harry Potter

9. That 70's Show

10. Girl Interrupted

1. The Mummy

Willow could have... stopped the mummy from coming to life.

"I'm just looking at it," Evy mumbled in response to Rick's lazy suggestion that she might want to be careful about reading from an ancient Egyptian book. "No harm ever came from reading a book-"

Slam! As Evy jumped, startled, she realized that a red-haired girl behind her had slapped the book closed and was scowling at her fiercely.

"Have you eaten a big ole bowl of crazy for breakfast?" Willow demanded. "Of course harm could come from reading a book! You obviously never went to Sunnydale. Well there are forces of evil, missy, there are spells, and curses, and dead things with sharp teeth and really ugly faces. And, and, they are not fun, and Buffy isn't here to take care of them, so, so you just give that book to me, missy. Why don't you try some Cosmo?"

Gawking, Evy found herself extending the book dumbly, and Willow snatched it up and walked away, muttering under her breath.

**2. Chapter 2**

Disclaimer: see chapter 1.

2. The Matrix Revolutions

Angel could have... stopped Neo from the angst of saving Trinity versus saving the world.

Neo stood in the room reflecting thousands of his image, thousands of his pasts, torn between two doors, two choices. He could not let Trinity die... but neither could he let the rest of the world. Either way, it seemed she was doomed, and therefore so was he.

"Go to her," a quiet voice sounded, and Neo jumped to see a spiky-haired man who cast no shadow.

"I will save the others; I will use the other door. You have this chance to be with her, to be normal; take it."

"Who are you?" Neo asked suspiciously.

"Someone who needs atonement. Now go."

Neo didn't need to be told twice.

**3. Chapter 3**

Disclaimer: See chapter 1.

3. The Cell

Faith could have... saved the girl who was kidnapped much, much more easily, and without killing the killer.

"God, it's depressing in here," Faith muttered, looking around the damp and dreary confines of Carl Starger's coma-induced daydream in his mind. "And I thought MY coma visuals were scary..."

She directed her attention back at the nervous, sad-eyed little boy in ragged clothes, fixing him with a fierce glower.

"Now you tell me where Julia is, or I will give your father pointers on how to prolong your suffering for next time. You think he hurts you now? You haven't felt anything yet. Trust me- I'm a Slayer, and one who's been to prison at that. I KNOW the ways of pain."

It was clear to the kid that she meant business, and cringing in fright, he began to talk.

**4. Chapter 4**

Disclaimer: see chapter 1.

4. The Texas Chainsaw MassacreBuffy and the other scoobies could have... taken out Leatherface.Buffy and the Scoobies continued to trudge wearily through the woods, their pace even slower than it had been when they had started out. Between Cordelia's complaints about mosquitos and the blisters her impractical shoes were giving her, Willow's stopping to examine and enlighten the others upon the magical properties of every shrub and mushroom, and Faith continually trying- and succeeding- in making Xander scream by jumping out at him from behind bushes and trees, they had made barely two miles of progress in two hours. Only Oz seemed to be thoroughly relaxed, and maybe that was because the wolf part of him always felt at home in the woods. Then again, it took a lot to shake up Oz.

Buffy was fiercely regretting having ever agreed to go on this supposedly fun and relaxing expedition. Considering that she was out in the open air, in the great outdoors, she felt extraordinarily claustrophobic.

"You GUYS!" she snapped finally, unable to take it any longer. Faith had just leapt out at Xander for the sixth time, shrieking "Boo!" Xander, once more still not having gotten to the point where he expected it, shrieked in an alarmingly high pitch, promptly tripping over his own feet and falling to the ground, almost taking Cordy down with him. As Faith guffawed, Cordelia launched into a hissing tirade, Willow held back giggles behind her hand, and even Oz cracked a smile, Buffy glared, not amused.

"What, B? We gotta keep the X-Man on his toes," Faith grinned as he scrambled with embarrassment and indignant babbling to his feet. "Keep the defenses up. Now, his reflexes are pretty good, but the defensive strategy needs some work-"

Just then a girl with long, tangled blonde hair streaked past them, her feet slapping loudly against the dry forest leaves. They had only seen her for a few moments, but it would have been hard to miss the torn, blood-streaked nature of her clothing, or the bulging of her terror-stricken eyes. The girl had been so petrified that she hadn't even seemed to see the people she had just run past.

"Uh... everyone saw that, right?" Xander said uncertainly. "Scared girl, running, lots of blood?"

"Yeah, I saw her," Cordelia snapped. "She kicked dirt up on my skirt. Dammit, this will stain!"

"So, so what's going on, is this another evil thing? Is there some kind of monster- if it was a vampire he had really bad aim," Willow said with some anxiety, looking around. "I mean, her neck looked okay, it was just her shirt and arms-"

"Yo! B, look out!" Faith yelled suddenly, and Buffy whirled around. Behind her, a large, portly figure was approaching, and they could all too clearly hear the whir of his chainsaw.

As the others scrambled back, eyes nearly as wide and horrified as the blonde girl's had been, Buffy and Faith rushed toward him, a glance at each other conveying all the plan they needed in a shared understanding. As the two Slayers and the chainsaw-wielding figure drew closer, the girls could see, to their mutual disgust, that over his face was a bunch of skins sewed together haphazardly.Reaching him, they hit him simultaneously with powerful blows- Faith from behind, in the back of his neck, and Buffy from the side, in the side. The figure stumbled and fell, dropping his bulky chainsaw- and falling directly onto its blade. The girls flinched as carnage sprayed, splattering their faces, arms, and chests.

"Ugh," Buffy shuddered. "Can anyone explain why human blood, even homicidal psychobath human blood, feels so much grosser than demon blood?"

**5. Chapter 5**

Disclaimer: See chapter 1

5. Charmed

Angel and Cordelia could have... saved Prue from dying.

In Angel Investigations, Cordelia, who had been inspecting the nail polish on her fingernails, suddenly gave a gasp as her legs began to buckle under her. Angel and Wesley hurried to support her as her face twisted in pain, and she shook violently.

"What did you see?" Angel asked her as Cordelia clutched her head, still breathing heavily, when her vision appeared to be over.

"Three girls- red house, two stories," she gasped. "They had dark hair- a big gray demon threw them through a wall. One of them- the one with black hair- she died. God, I have a headache. Just how many demons are there anyway, because surely they have to die out at some point!"

"What else," Angel pressed, still holding her by the arms as he motioned with his eyes for Wesley to get Cordelia an aspirin. "Do you remember anything else?"

"Uh... he, she said something about Charmed, one of them. The Charmed one? Or ones? Or maybe it was armed, or harmed. Well yeah I guess they were harmed, he threw them through a wall-"

"The Charmed Ones," Angel muttered. "They are three of the most powerful witches in the world, sisters who are an enormous force of good. If something is going to kill one of them, we have to stop them."

He reached for the phone, punching in a number. "Giles should know where they live in L.A. If not, we can get Willow to look them up online. But we have to get to them in time."

**6. Chapter 6**

Disclaimer: See chapter 1.

6. Interview with a vampire

Buffy could have... prevented Claudia from becoming a vampire and dying.

"Here you go... you're very sick, and you must drink this to make you well," Lestat murmurred softly, leaning over the blonde little girl in bed.

The child was pale, mostly drained of blood, and weak, having been sickly even before Louis's feeding further sapped her of her strength. Now Lestat extended a bloody hand to her, inviting her to drink of him, and so to also become undead...

His mouth widened in shock, and he glanced down to see the stake that had just been stabbed through his back protruding from his heart... just before he exploded into a cloud of dust. Buffy turned casually, thrusting the stake through the bystanding Louis as well, before turning to the terrified child in bed and softening her voice.

"Just hang on, sweetie- isn't your name Claudia? Hang on, and we'll get you help- an ambulance is coming..."

**7. Chapter 7**

Disclaimer: See chapter 1.

7. X-Men

Buffy could have... put Mystique in her place.

"I'm so sorry," the dark-haired Slayer whispered, "I've been such a bad girl... let me make it up to you. I want to make you feel better..."

Faith stepped closer to a stiff, scowling Buffy, and to the blonde Slayer's astonishment and dismay, pressed her lips hard against hers, one arm snaking around Buffy's neck. Buffy numbly registered the feel of the other girl's body pressed so close to hers, too shocked at first to move. It wasn't until Faith's tongue entered her mouth that Buffy gained enough self-awareness to shove her back.

"Faith- what the hell is with you?" she sputtered, stunned... and suspicious.

Faith smiled innocently. "Nothing, Buffy. I'm just fine."

As she began to move toward her again, Buffy, her suspicions confirmed, moved as well. She gave the dark-haired Slayer a sharp kick upside the head, seeing with no surprise how her features changed, clothes disappeared, long hair shrinking back into her skull and changing colors as the woman fell unconscious to the floor. Mystique... the shapeshifter had been causing havoc for weeks.

"Nice try," Buffy remarked, "but it's 'B,', not 'Buffy,' and 'five by five,' not 'fine.' You really oughtta do your homework."

**8. Chapter 8**

Disclaimer: I do not own these characters.

8. Harry Potter

Oz could have... prevented Harry's parents from dying.

Peter Pettigrew, in rat form, ran as fast as his four legs could carry him, nose twitching in anxious excitement and fear. He was on his way to doing the most important- and the most risky- thing he had ever done in his life. He was going to do something to give himself great power, great status and importance in the eyes of Voldemort, the most powerful wizard to ever be born. James and Lily Potter were his friends, but it did not plague his conscience to betray them...

Suddenly a low growling noise met his ears, and Peter's beady eyes caught sight of a hairy, huge, dog-like figure running towards him. A werewolf... yes, he realized in terror, tonight was the full moon, and no doubt this wolf would be hungry...

He tried to flee, but he was no match for the other creature's speed and strength. As Oz devoured the squealing Animagus's body too quickly for him to change back, his eyes were already scanning the street ahead, looking for more filling eatings.

**9. Chapter 9**

Disclaimer: I do not own these characters.

9. That 70's Show

Xander could have... let us in on where Fez came from.

Fez's eyes widened as he walked into the cafeteria with Eric, Donna, Hyde, Kelso, and Jackie, who were all talking over top of each other, Jackie more loudly and obnoxiously than the others, of course. They didn't pay attention to him when he suddenly stopped in his tracks.

"Oh damn, it is him!" he said, his voice fraught with horror. "I must hide!"

He looked around for Big Rhonda, but she was nowhere to be seen. Frantically he dived behind Donna, who looked at him in annoyance and confusion.

"Uh, what are you doing, Fez?" she asked, as the others turned to look at him as well. Jackie was scowling, annoyed that all the attention had been diverted from her.

"Don't look at me, pretend I'm not here! I have gone to the bathroom!" Fez hissed desperately, but it was too late. The person he had spotted was already headed for him, a big smile on his face.

"Hey! You go here too? I haven't seen you since middle school! Which is good, since you probably don't have de- big mean guys with ugly faces show up here all the time. And guys who are very pale and like red drinks. And all that other great stuff from our old hometown," Xander Harris rambled.

Looking at Fez more closely, he frowned, confused."Uh, what are you hiding behind her for? Ohhh... never mind, I see. Gives you a nicer view... oh damn, did I say that out loud?"

"So... you knew Fez at your old school?" Eric said slowly, his eyes lighting up, and Fez groaned, shaking his head. "So... what school is that? Where is he from?"

"He didn't tell you?" Xander asked, confused. "Sunnydale High. We're from Sunnydale. You know, where the Hellmouth is- did he tell you about that? Or should I shut up now?"

"Please shut up now," Fez said immediately, but Hyde interrupted, his eyes gleaming.

"Sunnydale... Fez is from California."

"What? Why doesn't he look more surfer-like then?" Jackie demanded.

"Are there a lot of hot girls there?" Kelso asked excitedly. "Do the girls wear bikinis to class?"

"Sunnydale. That explains everything," Donna muttered. "Fez, why didn't you just tell us?"

"I thought it added an air of mystique to my person," Fez muttered sulkily. "And now you have blown it, you bastard!"

**10. Chapter 10**

Disclaimer: I don't own these characters.

10. Girl Interrupted

Faith could have... saved Daisy's life while changing the course of Lisa's and Susanna's.

Lisa Roe smiled one of her reckless, only half sane smiles at Susanna Kaysen as she opened the secret basement door, leading her outside- leading to her escape.

"Come on, Susie-Q," she rasped, taking Susanna by the hand and pulling her through the door. "About time I showed you what it's like to be free..."

"Pretty cool, when that's what you actually are," came a husky voice to their left. As Lisa and Susanna jerked their heads around in search of its source, the dark-haired young woman who had spoken casually sucked in some smoke from her cigarette, exhaled it slowly.

"But you two- you're not exactly free, since you're on the run."

"Fuck off," snarled Lisa, her grip on Susanna's arm tightening in warning and anger, and Susanna cringed, her doe-like eyes wide and scared. "Whatcha gonna do, tattle? By the time you get up there, we'll be long gone."

"Nah," Faith said casually, shrugging. "I know what it's like to be on the run. I'm not stopping you."

"Oh right, you're on the run too?" Lisa sneered. "What ward are you- the schizos? You see dead people, hear the voice of Moses?"

"No," Faith answered, taking another drag of her cigarette. "I escaped prison."

In spite of herself, Lisa's eyebrows shot up- she was impressed."Yeah?"

"Yeah," Faith said, raising an eyebrow back. "Been six months now. But if you want me to fuck off, I guess you don't want to hear any pointers on how to have my luck."

She started to walk away; Lisa watched her, her blue eyes narrowed in indecision and not liking it.

Finally, making a decision in a split second, she called out, "Hey- wanna go to Disney World?"

Faith turned, a slow smile spreading across her face."I'm in. But hey, want to crash at my place first? It's not much- just a motel room- but if you don't got much money, it'll save you some, you know?"

Lisa looked at Susanna, who, being Susanna, just stared back at her helplessly, unable to make her own decisions.

"Yeah, okay," she said finally.

"Five by five," Faith smiled. "Come on, it's not that far."

The three began to walk away, Lisa's former plans to crash Daisy's little apartment forgotten.end


End file.
